Onwards and Upwards

Who knows where my life will take me? Who knows anymore?

I am happier. Lighter. Cleaner.

I met up with Comrade yesterday at his place for a BBQ with a mutual friend and his girlfriend.

When his g/f is away, I am the one he calls.

No way I am playing this game.

I was away to California for a week to see my parents, and was ridiculously sick for the next two weeks in July. I only just recovered from the jet lag, the cough, the periods, the hay fever...He thought I wasn't meeting up with him because I was ignoring him. I was taking care of myself.

Admittedly, he did try contacting me, but when I spoke to him last week, it was "maybe...we [his g/f and himself] are going to this place..."

Seriously. Only two-three weeks, and you're already like this? I was taking care of myself you buffoon. I did send him a text last Friday night being like, "i wish i was there where you are blah blah"

and he was like "you are being sweet today"...and then invites me to his BBQ.

He is comfortable with his girlfriend, the same girl who is fairly throwing shooting eye daggers at me...

Comrade, I am not the backup girlfriend that you want me to be.

I am not getting any younger, and you just aren't nearly as aggressive/strong enough to be my boyfriend.

For the first time, everything made sense today. I want him to be my friend, I want him in my life...but just not in that capacity. He will never take a risk on me, and quite frankly, there are other boys in the world.

I am not impressed. and I am happy knowing my career dreams are still in tact. Who knows if I will reach them in this job market, but I want to chase after something as opposed to letting them go because of a guy who will confine me to a housewife role that Comrade's girlfriend is...

I can't. In the short term it would be good, but in the long term...I would pay the price. For what? For me to be the fling? No.

Sorry. No. Just no.

I am done. finito.

I want my career to be amazing, whevever that maybe. I am still in denial about leaving London, but the tickets are booked for end of August.

Nothing amazing will come up, and according to Susan Miller (astrology extraordinaire) I shouldn't accept anything next month unless I absolutely have to.

I want to go to Hong Kong, Singapore...exciting growing markets...

anyway. I am happy folks. Last week of internship, very sad...but hey.


Losing weight after my trip to California. La mere, who I am in good terms with, fed me like a thanksgiving turkey. gained weight ... happysad.


Anyway, cross my fingers and wish me luck everyone! Last month in London...few applications sent locally, Paris, Singapore, and Shanghai! Who knows where I will be in a months' time!

The uncertainty...gotta love it!

All is well,
Belle