Fresh Start

Wow...my updates just seem to be so sparse as of late. Apologies.

So I moved in with magsbag and mannequin. I know. When did this happen?

So we had a massive fight over the last year, and in May, I decided that Mannequin was right about many many things, and was wrong about many many things.

His ex, Marilyn is getting married. To a rich guy who may or may not be gay. I dont know for sure. And quite frankly, I am too tired to care.

This is what happened. Over the last year, I grew to like Marilyn but noticed certain things about her. She was needy...as in, always needs someone's attention on her. This is fine, because I have met far too many people like her and I know what to do. It's just bothered me towards the end of 2010 when it seemed that far too many things were going wrong in her life. But, I stayed out because it wasn't my life. It just seemed like she was making mistakes (as we all do, example, me)...but making mistakes that could have been easily avoidable for the normal person with some level of common sense. Then...because everything is going so "Wrong" in her life, she decides that marriage...to a guy she's been properly dating since December, announced in February because she needs a visa to work in this country....is the "best" decision for her.

Normally, I would say...hey, it's your life. Do whatever you want. But this, it irked me. It irked me because it seemed as if this girl was just giving up on herself instead of actually, you know, taking responsibility for herself. I mean, who am I to talk? I am 24, with a masters degree, and still living in London my parents money. Seriously. but still.

So we had a massive fight about this in May. Talk about May Day! I mean really. I told her that she was being an idiot...ofcourse no one likes to hear this, but it's a mistake. Not the guy, the marriage itself. She replies "in two years, I will prove you wrong".

Seriously? Prove me wrong? Not my life, I repeat, not my life. It smells, sounds, and looks like an arrangement, and from what I gather from her ex, it seems like she wants to get married...and wow! here's a rich guy and who can provide for her, but doesn't actually know her all that well.

The thing is, with me, I figured it out. Sweet girl, lovely...and very supportive...but only when it's convenient for her. It worries me because I tolerated it for awhile, but then you know, kind of let go and was like no. I am sorry but I can't keep giving and giving and giving and coming over every time you are bored, scared, worried blah blah blah especially since if I have a problem, most of the time, it doesn't actually concern you. Or at least you act that way. I figured it out after a few times of hanging out with her in London, and realized she is a close friend only when she's in a another city.

What worries me? She will pull the same stunt with her fiance. Her fiance is rich, she is moderately so. In another country all together. If she gets this clingy and does things for her own convenience...it wont be long before he notices...and then what? Married at 24, Divorced at 26? No. She may have irritated me, but that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

So I spent that weekend in May crying. I got the internship, and wasn't even happy for myself. Then I realized something. She's 24. She's an adult. She can sort herself out. I am not getting worked up over someone else, especially knowing that if the positions were reversed, she would carry half the worry (at best) that I did.

So that's that. I'm done. I am being selfish with my time and energy. And for the first, I realized that Mannequin was perhaps right in his own way, and forgave him for it.


So I moved in with them. I know, way to switch sides eh.

Last weekend I moved, and had an interview. My time in London is over. That interview didnt go well, and I am too tired in this city. Far too much has happened...and I am falling for Comrade.

A few weeks ago, I found out that he is this secret super rich guy. I found out about his background. I can't say anything else, but lets just say he is wealthy beyond anything I could possibly imagine.

And I cried to him about Marilyn. Told him about how it was inappropriate to marry a guy because he is rich...and that it's too costly for just a pair of shoes, and that you really should marry for love. Because I thought he was well off, but not like ridiculously holy shit rich. I was falling for him way before I found out, but now...I am slightly scared to be around him

Scared because I respect him that much more now. Inspite of having that much money, he is doing all he can to make his way in the world. good for him, bad for me.

There was a point when I couldn't stop thinking about him. But now. I have to. He has his beautiful girlfriend, who apparently, is pulling a Marilyn stunt...and wow, if I did do anything I would be pulling a magsbags stunt. Seriously, my life has just become a can of worms as of late.


Which is why I am thinking of moving. I need to get away from all of this, and so...there's this firm that's has connections with the place I am working at right now...and they have a training program in Asia. Asia is booming. Emerging market. Why not?


A fresh start. London has been good to me, but I am getting tired. I need to move.

Walking into work and tomorrow and discussing this with my boss.


Dear readers...where is my life heading? Oh the uncertainties...


Belle