The Tarot Says...

I paid a tarot reader 50 pounds to reassure me.

This is something la mere should be doing...for free. So I spoke to this woman a couple nights ago, and told her about the asshole hungarian who wanted to take me home. Her response:

"Why you, I mean...is he that desperate?"

I mean, I shouldn't expect anything else from her. I really shouldn't. I mean, why not me? I am hot. I am cool. I am amazing.

For some reason, in her mind, I am so worthless and uncool, people talk to me as if they are doing me a favor. I really dont understand why this woman thinks this way, but as it stands, it's more of a reason to actually seperate myself from her.

The funny thing is, as unsupportive, negative, and downright callous as she has been over the last few years, she expects me to take her side when she complains about my dad...or anyone else for the matter.

I have stopped. I listen, and just skip the conversation. Because...she isn't worth my time anymore. I speak to this woman once every six-ten weeks. It's nuisance when she calls, it's nuisance after she calls...she is just an unnecessary nuisance.

The only help she has given is powering my runs. Yea, I go to the gym and workout in anger. It does miracles you know.

So at my lowest point, which I hit yesterday, I went to a tarot reader. I needed guidance...a friendly voice...but more importantly, I needed reassurance that the path I am on is the right one.

The uncertainty exists and I always wonder if this is what I should be doing. Corporate Finance. Advisory. Banking. Ibanking.

Even writing this is scaring because I feel like if I talk about it, it wont happen. I dont know why.

July-Dec, I was all about trading, and I realized that it wasn't for me. It just wasn't, mainly because I was only doing it to prove that I could I do it. I hit final round at one of the best banks in the world, and realized that...I didn't want it that badly after all. My heart was always on corporate finance, and it's taken several years to realize I should just wholeheartedly...go after it.

A tarot reader. What she said to me was this:

"Have faith, and Let go"

Both of which I am struggling to do, but I suppose I have to. I have to let go and see what happens.

I am blessed to have my dad's financial support in all of this. That I will never forget. Sigh.

Le sigh.

Oh readers, I wonder when this will end. I really do.


Belle