Omgod. I am so stupid sometimes it's not even funny.
I was in Amsterdam last weekend to drink and smoke away my woes of not having a job. And in tune with my surroundings, decided that it would be fun to take a boy home.
Cough cough NOT.
Okay, I am now PANICKING.
This next part is candid, so be warned.
He was Dutch and I had drunk goggles on. Not sure why I did what I did, I just wanted to know if I had the balls to take off my clothes in front of a guy. Apparently, I can.
We didn't actually have sex. It was my first time, and it really hurt every time he tried to enter. That, and apparently, I was totally not turned on by this guy. He was for sure, but not me. Probably why it hurt so much. It was protected for sure, but I am not sure if I am going to get pregnant or not.
You never know with these things. You just never do.
UGH. OMGOD. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.
So I have to patiently until the dates of my next period to know for sure. That is one hell of a long wait.
Oh geez. Last time I ever pull these stunts again. No sex till marriage, I can't handle this stress. I really can't.
Ugh.
Belle
3.31.2011
The Long Wait
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2 comments:
I have been wondering where you've been - you haven't posted since January and that usually means one of two things around here (either you've gotten help/gotten better, or things are really crazy in a not-so-good fashion). Anyway, don't stress too much about the craziness in Amsterdam, the chances of you being pregnant are really slim. I have always felt the same way about sex - it's just so incredibly stressful if you are not married or in a very serious monogamous relationship. (And as a side note, I'm sure you looked beautiful when your clothes hit the floor!)
I doubt that made you feel any better or brought you any comfort, but just know that there are people around here who care about you. Keep us posted, you will be fine.
take a Plan B pill, it might make you feel safer
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