In the Trenches

Right now, I am just trying to dodge the bullets.

Where do I even start?

So Angel showed much interest in moving in with me come September, only to have backed on mid July after months of asking her and her being "just keep the place for me". She says no and then tells me that she is traversing through the east...blahdiblahdiblah...

tell me in advance! seriously!

so then i try and find another roommate...yet another Russian, who tells me 99% sure that she will move in,

but come Sunday, August 1st when I was meant to tell my landlords.

lo and behold, even SHE says no.

so now i am left with a room that won't be mine come september, unless I magically...just MAGICALLY...find someone else who would want to be my roomate.

did I mention I have a dissertation due at the end of the month? well I do.

oh yes, and on the job front...nothing.

myriad of rejections, both official and unofficial...and still.

so lets do a summary shall we?

no job.

no room.

no words...

...for dissertation. for my current situation.

oh yes, and i definitely gained weight.

just throwing that in to show there's a gain in there somewhere. not exactly the one i was looking for.

i am actually surprisingly calm...placid even. i should be stressing, but somehow it's gotten to the stage where it's pointlessness.

i am just trying to dodge anymore surprises here.

the recent job app i sent (mind you these take awhile to write) came back as a rejection...this time, they were so lazy, they sent the same rejection email to everyone who got rejected. i dont know what's more insulting...have this done to you, or not receiving an official rejection at all.

fuck. fuck fuck.

add to that the stress of having potential tennants viewing the flat. there is a girl who is still deciding, and i have given her every reason in the world to stay with this flat.

fuck.

i bought that loaf of bread. make that two.

and then you view other people's lives...like comrades. his dad is buying him a flat. and when i ask what his budget was for food shopping...he replies "don't ask me that, i don't economize when it comes to food".

i am really really on edge right now. i mean, every says with my degree i should be able to land a job just fine...but the question is, can i land the job that will get me where i want to be?

i have already given up on the hope of landing that star trading job. there's no way i will get it without base level experience at other, less stellar places.

but even those, other, less stellar places are rejecting me because i don't have work experience/training at bigger banks.

bigger banks are rejecting me because i don't have work experience in the field. period.

you see how this argument is on a loop?

FUCK.

Belle