Life, unpasteurized

Guerlain Terracotta makeup is fucking amazing. I really hope their kabuki blush brush is the same.

Two days ago, I went through $150 in a matter of minutes buying colored eye contacts (gray), said kabuki brush, and a fantastic game theory book...all delivered to my flat sometime this week.

Growing up, I have soon come to realize, is expensive. It really is.

There's not just clothes to buy, but clothes of two different sizes. Current and future. Future being skinnier.

Ugh.

Double ugh.

Good thing is, gyming and salading actually works wonders, and I can't wait to head back to my routine and just munch on vegies...and properly sculpt my body (my legs and belly). This is perhaps the first time in many many years when I haven't counted what I am eating, and actually just eating because I can.

It really is strange, almost 1.5 years ago, I went from trying to become anorexic to now...finding a sustainable way to drop weight without going insane. However, according to friends here, what I consider "enough" food (i.e. salads and fruits...alot for me), is really not much. What about carbs? What about junk food?

Well...what about them? Somewhere down the line, I adopted a refreshingly new mindset: eat healthy and head to the gym. When I kept thinking that eating was wrong, when I was afraid of eating...I ended up eating more just from the stress of the potential weight gain.

Kicking the scale, and just enjoying non/un processed food has, in it's own way, given me a new life. It's been only two months since I started this lifestyle, but...I urge alot of you to just try it. I am SURE I am not eating more than...I don't know 800-1000 calories, but I feel FULL. Satiated and I am guessing it's the magical powers of nutritious food. Well, the results are skinnier waist line, and a week ago, my tree trunks (legs) were leaner.

I guess it's as close to Skinny Bitch as I'll ever get (minus the coffee/tea). Magically enough, it fits my work lifestyle...like I don't get hungry that often, and when I do, it's vegie snacks. I guess I'm preparing for the stressful career I am (hopefully) about to enter.


Finance. Where will I get a job? I am either crying or laughing from the sheer hopelessness of it all. I need a job.

I can't afford my friends. Hanging out with them is too expensive.

One day it's 40 pound dinners, the next it's 50 pound champagne brunches...and I just don't have the budget for it. I need a job.

If I don't hang out with my friends, they'll ask why I am being aloof and if I mention that I'm on a strict budget, well...that's just embarrassing.

And above all, I hate spending on food. You know this, dear reader, you know this.

No job. No boyfriend as la mere incessantly and annoyingly reminds me...

I guess the only thing I can control is my body, and as of Friday, I will be returning to yummy salads and fruits once again.


God, I really need a kick ass job and a salary. Just something to get me going.


UGGGGGGGH.