A World Away...

Dear....,

I am now in....ASIA!

I can't say where exactly...but it's definitely south of cool and north of FUCKING AWESOME.

Sorry, A bit too excited on my end : )

It's been more than a month since I landed, and I have to say...it's a world away from London.

I escaped. I escaped unemployment, I escaped the impending doom that is tearing apart Eurozone...and more importantly, I escaped the Russian. Comrade.

Here's what's happened since coming.

He saw me once before I left...was too "busy" see me again, and left to visit the other Russian up north (you know the one I am talking about)....the weekend before I left. It was my last time in the country and he decides to just not see me. Fine.

Then asks me to write him something so I do...and explaining why I moved. A lot of "i was really in pain, i was unhappy blah blah"...

To that he responds still not understanding and signs off with a "love you, m"....

...and then I just exploded. I knew not to take the L word from him seriously, but also wanted to let him know how I truly felt over the last few years...so I told him I loved him, but I am not the girl for him.

In so many words, I left him.


And last week he replied back...and basically said "I can have genuine feelings for more than one person...I would have hurt you and we would have never been friends again...not in the same way"

It was a painful decision leaving London, but I am glad I made that choice. Especially considering the boy I would have stayed for had no intentions of treating me seriously.

The thing is I never wanted him to breakup with his girlfriend for me. He would just be replacing her...and who knows how long it would be before he did the same to me? I guess I dont...trust him. And he confirmed that with his reply. He would always have lingering feelings for his girlfriend, who has no choice but to stay with him and bear the burden of watching him divert his attentions to others.

I can't do it. I cant keep loving someone, if that's what this is...and not receive much in return. So I moved on...and that's the last time I spoke to him. It's been exactly two years since we met...and I am happy to have known him.

There were many tears last week...

It's been a huge adjustment to a different culture...and with constant fevers...and going to work in spite of it to prove that I am serious...and now this. I had a breakdown last Tuesday.

And since then, the mind is freer. A big huge venting slash crying session was needed, but after...I felt a huge burden had been released. I felt free...and lighter.

I think about him every now and then, but with work and gym and shopping and generally falling into rhythm here...I am slowly forgetting about him.

I will never see him again.

I made the right decision.

I am protecting myself.

...And that's that.

On to a new life in Asia...tho this is temporary as in a few months I am returning to California. I am just here to gain skills...and in the mean time, take a well needed break and treat myself to luxuries I dreamt of in London...

I shall speak about work, food, and gyming in my next post.

Until then, the Cat is alive and well...more than well, doing fabulously in an entirely new world!


Love,
Belle